How to do all things in moderation
I’m a superachiever. I push myself way too hard and work until it’s way past time for me to rest.
This is a challenge that I struggle with.
In work, my supervisors over the years love how hard I work, but is it healthy?
The challenge for me is that I don’t just work. I volunteer and do all the work to support Let Go and Be Free.
In the last few weeks, I’ve reformatted all four of my Let Go and Be Free: 100 Daily Reflections for Adult Children of Alcoholics books. I fixed grammar and spelling mistakes and updated the back of each book. It took me hours upon hours to do all this work and then make the books available on Amazon (print and ebook), and Apple books, Kobo, Barnes & Noble, and the Google Play store.
Why did I do all this work?
I realized it had been six years since I published the books and wanted to go back through and clean them up.
When I wrote the books, it was a different time: I started writing before the pandemic and finished volume 4 when were still in lockdown.
I wanted to provide a resource to help people who identify as adult children of alcoholics or grew up in a dysfunctional family.
I pushed myself way too hard to get all the books written because I wanted to share some positivity to the world.
But we are in a different time, and the stress is just as great.
I could have slowed down and worked more in moderation, but I pushed through to get the work done.
I’m happy that I did all the work and that the new versions of the books are available in all the retail stores, but I paid a cost.
I pushed myself too hard and too fast.
I will not lie to you. I struggle with following a path of moderation. I’ll run a little further, work harder, and make happen all that needs to get done.
Would I advise you to do the same?
No, I wouldn’t.
A few weeks ago, I met up with Rob Lawless to take part in his robs10kfriends. Rob’s idea is simple: meet up with 10,000 people. I’m honored to be the 7,617th person he’s met since he started the project.
That’s me on the left and Rob on the right.
We talked for over an hour and a half, and I had a great time. If you don’t follow Rob on Instagram, I recommend you do because you’ll see stories from people in all walks of life.
Meeting up with Rob is an example of my blurring the lines of taking the path of moderation. After a hard week of work, I met up with Rob on a Saturday, and I’m glad I did.
I learned a lot about him, some people he’s met, and about myself.
Sometimes it’s important to step outside my comfort zone and push harder on projects I’m working on.
What I’ve learned in life is that sometimes opportunities come your way and you don’t have a lot of time to decide—either they’ll pass you by or your embrace them.
On this occasion, I met up with Rob and helped to broaden my world.
I believe that it’s through face-to-face meeting with people that we can change the world.
As I said to Rob when we met: I’d rather try something and fail than not try at all. I’ve written 24 books and had three podcasts with hundreds of hours of episodes because I believe in trying.
Now, if I’m honest with myself, I can admit that I have pushed myself too hard. I’ve worked too hard and not given myself a break when I needed it.
When I was in my 20s, I learned from a therapist that I should:
eat when hungry
drink when thirsty
rest when tired
The basic essentials are critical to ensure that we are taking care of ourselves.
Have I always done that?
No, I haven’t.
I’ve taken on too much work, got too little sleep, and haven’t fueled myself as my body needed.
I pushed too hard.
On my 40th birthday, I was running on a treadmill and I wanted to prove to myself that I could run fast. I increased the treadmill’s speed and blew my record out of the park.
But the next day, I had severe back pain, and a few days later I needed to go to a physical therapist to help me with the pain (days of physical therapy helped heal me).
That’s one simple example of a time that I pushed too hard.
But there are other times (like meeting up with Rob to talk with him), that going the extra mile was worth it.
How do I tell the difference?
I ask myself:
Is this (fill in the blank) healthy for me?
Is it true? (True that it’s good for me, will not hurt me, etc.)
What I’ve learned in life is that sometimes there isn’t a right or wrong answer. Sometimes the situation falls into a gray area and can’t clearly be seen as “all good” or “all bad.”
It’s when I’ve come up against ambiguous situations that I’ve learned to give myself time to decide and then act on it.
Give yourself a time boundary: most decisions don’t need to be made right away. Often, you have days to think things through, sleep on it, and if not, ask for more time.
Even when I received a job offer, I asked for 24 hours to get back to the hiring manager with my decision.
I used to talk with my wife and go through how I felt about the job offer, and listen to her feedback.
And that’s the point of all this: the path of moderation isn’t a straight line. It’s crooked and jagged, but that’s okay.
When you’re aware that the road ahead isn’t clear-cut, that gives you more freedom to reflect on your decisions.